From floaty, stinky, to log-like, chocolaty pooh—here are what your doodoo reveals about your health

It’s gross.

Well.

But every healthy human does it, though no one likes to mention it. And the prig attitude to emptying the food gut has made many unaware or overlook the stinky warning they receive when they get on the throne every morning.

The shape, length, color, consistency or firmness, smell of excreta should not just be flushed down the drain, according to health experts.

What’s cute

There are some things good about what comes out of your body:

Size

A normal stool size is at least a couple inches in length—four to eight inches. Pellets, droppings—bad.

Shape

Logging it—in long cylindrical form—is good, healthful. You are probably sick when it becomes as thin as pencils or flat as pebbles.

Firmness or consistency

Your stool should either be firm or soft. You can feel the firmness as you crank it out. No touching necessary. When it gets stone-hard, then you should bother. Poor digestion, dehydration, etc.

Normally, the logs plunge straight down the tube. When they float, they tell you they are buoyant thanks to fibre.

Color

Most colors are ok—except the rainbow. Because of bile, brown comes mostly good. The absence of bile turns it chalky. And that’s scary.

Poop can take on the color of your medicine, drinks, food, etc. Yes, bloody shit—mostly resulting from anal problem, ulcers, cancer—should bother anybody.

Timing

Don’t be scared shitless if you take a dump thrice a week. It’s okay.

And if the canal gets filled thrice a day—fine.

Duration

Those afflicted with acute piles have a problem. They spend 30 minutes pushing. But normally, within minutes—at most 15 minutes—you should get off the pot if you are done.

Smell

Except you spray with Cologne or something, faeces won’t radiate any agreeable odour to your smellers. Be grateful if it smells bad enough to remind you that you aren’t at your dining table there.

Problem is if it makes your cough, or tear up, or whiz. It signals poor absorption. Watch what you eat.