Enjoy rest in marriage (5)

For you to have a stable home, you need to understand your husband or wife.

Understanding your spouse is very important in becoming a good spouse. You must get to know that everything about your spouse is unique. There are no two people on planet earth that are exactly the same.

Everyone God has made is unique. Thus, you, your spouse and your children are peculiar. You are not a carbon-copy of anyone, you are an original and so is your spouse. You and your spouse are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14). You must understand your spouse if you must enjoy rest in marriage. You need to study his or her background, likes, dislikes, what makes him or her happy and what affects his or her mood.

In the light of this, and to build understanding, this week, I will be teaching on: The Missing Link between Couples.

Communication is the life-blood of any relationship. Learn to communicate effectively with your spouse and when you know how to do this, it will help you understand who your spouse is. You need to ask questions. The disciples of Jesus were around Him; they didn’t only listen to His teachings. Whatever they didn’t understand they always asked and Jesus never told them to shut up, He always answered their questions. So, rather than assuming understanding, ask questions, e.g. “How about this area? How about that area of your life?” Communicate so you can have a better understanding; and when communication is effective, you will become a good spouse. Understanding is what is required to have an outstanding marriage.

Time Investment

Many couples have time for themselves within the first few weeks of marriage and afterwards never do. This becomes even worse when they start having children. This is the reason why many marriages that start off so sweetly fail as couples, who think they know themselves, find out that they really don’t. Investing in spending time with your spouse will help build trust, confidence, peace, knowledge and a better understanding in your relationship. It will help you know each other better. The true nature of man appreciates being noticed because man is a living thing. There is nothing as hurting as when one party is neglected in a marriage.

Many men just see their wives as good cooks, cleaners, mothers of their children and keepers of the home. This is so, because time has not been invested to know who their wives really are. 1 Peter 3:7 admonishes: Likewise, ye husbands dwell with them (wives) according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Every man should invest enough time in knowing his wife. You must spend quality time with your wife so much that you know her taste for things like toiletries, wears, colours and her likes and dislikes. The woman, on the other hand, should invest quality time enough to know her husband’s taste for things too. You must be concerned about his well-being at work, business or career, his success and professional accomplishments.

Usually, while a man craves for respect from his wife first and then others, the woman’s self-worth is in place when she is loved and appreciated, first by her husband and then others.

Secondly, time must be invested on children to meet their physical, emotional and spiritual needs.  A child is a gift from God, a blessing to the family and a unique blend of husband and wife (Psalms 127:3).  This is why time must be created also for them. This will build love, security and trust. The best environment to raise a child is at home and as parents, God mandates us to fulfill this task. Once you learn to order your priorities aright, you will find that the time invested in meeting their needs will not be in vain. Time invested in your building a solid foundation for that child, that even when he or she leaves home and is in a place where you cannot see him or her physically, the knowledge of what have been taught him or her becomes a guide.  Invest regular time with them like play time, homework and assignment time; be available to answer their questions and teach them to seek after the Word of God.

Wife, if your husband is the busy type, use the wisdom of God to get him to create time for the children. Time is a very important thing you should invest on your children, not money. For instance, there was a time when our children would come to me with questions that I felt their father should hear and be the one to answer. I would walk them to his study door and leave them to go in and meet him. Afterwards, they would come back excited and smiling, having had their questions answered. Now they can confidently go to him and when they come into his study, he puts them at ease by asking, “How was school today? What did you do at break-time? Did you eat your school lunch?” This type of intimacy and open communication is very useful for their emotional stability.  Finally, time should be invested for your parents, relations and in-laws but this should be done with wisdom.

The following are the things men and women would like to find in a spouse.

What a woman wants in a husband

• Someone who will spend time with her and talk with her.
• Someone who will be tender with her.
• Someone who will be her spiritual leader.
• Someone who will be a good father to her children.
• Someone who will be a good provider.

What a man wants in a wife

• Someone he can have fun with!
• An interesting and exciting sex partner.
• A good homemaker, and a good mother to his children
• A financially responsible partner.
• A wife who will respect and admire him.

Grace to hear and do these becomes available when you accept Jesus Christ and become born again.  If you would like to accept Jesus Christ as your Saviour and Lord and be born again, please say this prayer: Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood. I accept You as my Lord and personal Saviour. Make me a child of God today. Thank You for delivering me from sin and satan to serve the living God and thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.

Congratulations! If you prayed this simple prayer of faith with me, you are now born again and a child of God. He loves you and will never leave you. Read your Bible daily, obey God’s Word and seek Christian fellowship (John 14:21).

With this, you are guaranteed all-round rest and peace in Jesus’ Name! Call or write to share your testimonies with me through [email protected], 07026385437 OR 08141320204.

For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Building A Successful Home and Success in Marriage (Co-Authored).