File photo

Your spouse has gone from being your best friend to feeling like a total stranger. And you’re wondering if your marriage is on the outs. But getting a divorce is a huge decision, especially if there’s a chance you can rebuild what’s been lost.

It’s time to stop googling “signs you’re in a loveless relationship“. And start trying to salvage what’s left—if that’s indeed what you’re looking for. If you’re at a loss as to how to save your marriage, we have 8 tips that’ll help you.

But first, is your marriage even worth saving. There are signs that tell you that your marriage can be saved.

How To Save Your Marriage: These Signs Tell You There’s Hope

If your marriage is on the rocks, you’re probably inclined to direct all of your attention to the signs that say so. But what about taking the time to think about all of the things that signal you still have a real chance? Let’s see how many yeses you get from the points below:

• You know you aren’t a perfect wife
• Little reminders of him make you feel good
• You’ve tried it but the grass is not greener elsewhere
• Family comes first, and he agrees with you
• You see yourselves as a team
• Memories are at the forefront of your mind
• You still want to have sex with him

All yeses? That’s encouraging. Get inspired to work hard on the relationship to bring all of those good feelings back and make new memories.

8 Effective Tips On How To Save Your Marriage

Recognize what’s working

Chances are, your relationship isn’t all bad, all the time. But it can be hard to single out the good things when there’s so much discord. All marriages have low points. What brings you out of the low points is your ability to be open to the positives. You do this is by changing your inner dialogue when you’re unhappy with your partner. Reframing your mindset to be more positive, allows for more acceptance. This may help rebuild the friendship and trust that feels gone.

Remember the good

When you first met, did you love exploring new places together? Did you make each other laugh? When a marriage is failing, it’s important for both partners to try to recognize and remember the things that once attracted you to each other. Use those feelings and memories as the foundation to rebuild what’s broken.

Accept the past

Maybe one of you had an affair. Or perhaps you discovered something about your partner that shook you to the core. Whatever it is, if you’ve both decided to move forward together, it’s important to embrace what happened and commit to a new beginning.

Be open-minded

It can be difficult to see your partner’s point of view, especially when you disagree. But in order to bring a marriage back from the brink, you need to be able to listen to something that sounds totally absurd, and still see how it looks to your partner. While it may feel uncomfortable, you are not betraying yourself. Instead, you are validating your partner’s truth, bringing you one step closer to rebuilding your partnership.

Find time for self-care

Do you count on your partner to be your everything? If so, that can hit a marriage hard. You cannot expect your partner to fulfill all your needs. In order to have a healthy marriage, you have the responsibility to live dynamic life. It includes socializing, friendships, and activities that ensure you are living your best life. When you are happy with yourself, it’s easier to be happy in the relationship. We are all a work in progress.

Put the relationship first

Both individuals in the marriage need to make improving the relationship a priority. But to do this, each person needs to be self-aware and reflective of their role. Ask yourself, “Am I putting effort into this relationship or are we just living parallel lives?” Some marriages just need a tune-up. Go on date nights or go away on an uninterrupted weekend together to help regain lost intimacy.

Acknowledge what you can’t fix

Every couple has their own set of conflicts that will never be resolved. These conflicts come up again and again in a relationship. Stop trying to win the argument each time these unsolvable issues arise. Come to an understanding regarding the deeper meaning of each other’s position. That understanding creates intimacy and connection.

Ask for help

You can follow all the advice, and read all the books. But sometimes the most effective option is to see a licensed professional who can work with you and your spouse to address specific issues. A marriage therapist can act as a coach, mediator, and teacher. A good marriage therapist should stay as neutral as possible while supporting and challenging both parties.

Now that you know how to save your marriage, we wish you all the best at it. We’re rooting for you!

This article was first published on AfricaParent.com