Should men stop impressing us some months into courtship?

June 28, 2019

I RECALL with nostalgia the extra effort my man put in, just to get my attention during the period he was wooing me. I also recall with nostalgia, the flowers and cards he sent me. Oh, and the text messages? Those were countless. It poured in until my phone will say no space for new messages’ I would delete and delete his ceaseless messages. He would call me up like fifteen times a day, to say ‘sweet nothing’ to me.

I must not forget to mention how he would call up , friends to let them know how much he loved me.

Hmm, those were the days. Most interesting part of that stage was when he called and I was not picking; he would simply lose it. As in, he would worry himself sick, wondering if something bad had happened to me or the phone. And if I didn’t return his calls? His heart, he claimed ‘is completely shattered’.

Those were the days he would recharge my friends’ phones just to worm his way into their hearts. And, oh, I must not forget to mention that at that time, my friends who were beneficiaries of his generosity would call me up no matter how late to say; oh girl’ that guy send you dies!’ ‘the guy day kolo for you’ ‘Omo girl consider yourself a lucky girl’ ‘Guy like yours are rare’. The calls were endless.

At that time, I really glowed you know? I was on top of the world. I felt loved and adored. It is not really that I feel less loved now; it is just that those days are fast gone. About eight months into our courtship, the fifteen calls per day, dropped to teen calls, and then to five and then to two to three calls and now sometimes to ‘Network is bad’ ‘Baby, I really tried to reach you, but your line was not going through. Or worse still, he was too busy he forgot to call! Haba. Mallam! Is this fair? Why are men like this? Or is there something the guys know that the ladies don’t know? Are there rules saying choke her when you first meet her and then relax when you have won her over?.

It beats me. I have observed however that it is not really that the man has stopped loving the lady concerned; it is just that the initial passion level (if you like) has dramatically dropped. I also put it to you, readers; that all men are like that. A friend of mine’s man almost lost his leg in an accident in an attempt to attend her graduation ceremony just to prove his love for her. Regardless of his very busy schedule, he drove all the way to Edo State without his driver.

Of course, that singular act on his part melted my friend’s heart and she fell for him, hook, line and sinker. But guess what, four months into their courtship, her bobo, suddenly became too busy, even to attend little functions became a problem and his usually ceaseless calls to her became a huge issue. Naturally, my friend became troubled, she thought her guy, had fallen out of love with her. When she told me of her worries, I laughed uncontrollably and welcomed her to the club.

I said to her: “My sister, he does not love you less, he just feels comfortable that he has won you. So the act of impressing you is over, but with my experience, he is still in love with you. Another friend told me how she spent thousand naira on her hair-do just to impress and get her man’s attention, you know what happened? He did not even notice! This killed her morale and when she tried to bring it up; his sms to her was more discouraging, he sent her a text message saying: ‘Baby you know I am a busy man’ and even though I am madly in love with you; I still need to put food on our table’ with an agitated breadth my friend read and re-read the sms sent to her by her heartthrob. She called me soon after to express her concern. After I calmly listened to her, I tried my best to cajole and reassure her that her man is probably getting comfortable. Before, he had to impress her to make her want him and try to convince her that he is the guy that is worth her while and now that the trophy is won, there is little need’.

Is it right to treat us this way? We are designed to be wooed, pampered and loved. You will agree with me that we are the weaker sex; you are not in any way spoiling us, if that is why you are relaxing in your efforts to impress us. Truth is, little efforts go a long way with us, it may not be flowers but is might be something as simple as bringing us a drink when you come back from the kitchen (without needing to be asked to), may be putting our towel in the dryer while we are in the shower. Pulling up chairs for us to sit. Holding doors open for us to enter before you. Helping out with little house chores here and there rather than leaving us to do them alone.

Go ahead, impress us, even twenty years into the union. Remember our birthdays, Valentine Days and most importantly our anniversaries. Who says you can’t mark one-month anniversary. It is as important as 20th anniversary. Call us as often as possibly or if you feel ceaseless calls are far too expensive to continue with, do send us text messages, they melt our hearts. Clothes, choice of earrings, it really works. Tell us how beautiful we are (this is the joker. I tell you). Every woman loves to be told she is beautiful. An no disrespect to the men, but the truth is if you spend time to appreciate a lady, you will get the best from her, but if you don’t, your guess is as good as mine.

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