Posted by By ANULI AUSBETH-AJAGU auntyanuli@yahoo.co.uk on
So happy you are reading this. Last week we began this happy marriage series. We noted that bad marriages are a real source of worry.....
So happy you are reading this. Last week we began this happy marriage series. We noted that bad marriages are a real source of worry, pain and misery in the society, with our youths being the worst hit and unfortunate victims of circumstance. Well, we are moving on today. Let me state unequivocally that a good marriage does not happen by accident. It is the result of hard work, deliberate effort by both parties, and above all, a godly foundation rooted in godly principles.
A Paradigm Shift
For you to have a lasting happy marriage, you must have the right mentality. You must be selfless, and think of how you can be a blessing to your partner, how you can serve your spouse, how you can become a better person, how you can be the best person for your spouse, how you can enrich his or her life, add value to the person, make the person content, happy and proud of you. You must focus on your responsibility over and above your expectations of the other person. Note:
•You must put aside your 'African mentality" of men seeing themselves as superior human beings while women are second class citizens.
•You must put aside your 'libertarian mentality" of claiming you cannot serve a man or you don't need a man in your life.
In marriage, there is no inferior or superior human being. We are equal partners before God and the law. However there are different roles God expects man and woman to play in the relationship.
The Man Is The Head:
He is not supposed to be a tyrant or autocratic head, but a godly leader, a pilot, the chief servant. Not just a boss or commander, but a compassionate, caring and loving leader. The man in the marriage is like a true democratic leader, who takes into consideration, the opinions, views, suggestions, criticisms, complaints, needs or concerns of his followers. He listens, allows room for dialogue, and recognizes that even when there are differences in viewpoints, it doesn't mean that the other party is in rebellion. It simply means they should dialogue more, allow room for objective assessment of the issue at stake, and perhaps a mutual compromise reached, as long as there is no threat to life. There are times the man would have to take firm decisions in order to move his family forward. It could be an investment decision, career choice or wise decision concerning critical issues. Sometimes, his wife may not agree with his idea. As the head, the onus is on him to carefully and lovingly explain the plan. If she still does not see reason, and he is absolutely certain that God has endorsed the plan, he should go ahead. Hopefully, by the time the good results of his decision become evident, his wife will appreciate his leadership genius.
The Woman Is The Helper
The woman in the marriage is the helper. The man cannot fulfill his destiny alone. He is incomplete without his wife. He needs her prayers, love, encouragement, praise, affirmation, support, understanding, respect and care. A helper is not expected to be indolent, a stature, a robot, a pest or parasite. As the helper, the woman's greatest weapon is prayer. She equally needs wisdom and discernment. She must deliberately make patience, tolerance, understanding and compassion her best friends. The woman is a valuable gift to her husband. She should strive to make herself priceless. She should comport herself with dignity. She should enhance her worth through positive self-development. She should read good books to enhance her communication skills and improve her knowledge base. She should work hard at staying beautiful and attractive for her husband. She should work at being financially empowered. The truth of the matter is, no matter how wonderful your husband is, if all you do year in year out is to keep asking him for money, he will perceive you as a pest, a burden and a yoke on his neck! The woman should therefore earn some money of her own. She can run a business from home, no matter how small. That will earn her some respect and her husband will see her as a contributor, a helper and worthy companion. God bless you.