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It's a mystery. You see these great guys dating bitchy women and you think. What the hell? Why is he so into her? Turns out, take-no-crap gals who.....
It's a mystery. You see these great guys dating bitchy women and you think. What the hell? Why is he so into her? Turns out, take-no-crap gals who don't apologize for being in love with their fabulous selves or try too hard with men have more to offer a guy than you might think.
That may be why Sherry Argov's national best seller, Why Men Love Bitches. flew off the shelves and she followed it up with the new Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart.
One of the main discoveries: "Guys secretly admire women who are willing to throw out the rule book that says you have to cave to their every need to keep them happy," says Argov. "They want a woman who doesn't assume a subservient spot in the relationship. This instantly intrigues them."
Read on for more juicy scoop on why a guy just can't resist a bitch… and why it might not be so bad if you upped your bitch quotient a little. Bitchy girls ooze the kind of bravado that says, "I'm so out of your league." Nothing is more attractive to a guy than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is and what she wants. Instead of wondering to herself, Does he like me? Or what does he think of me? The bitch thinks, what's the advantage for me in having this guy around?"
Because of that aloof brand of confidence, she isn't going to spend her precious time cheerfully doting on him. In fact, she may just throw a little attitude his way. Bingo: He instantly wants to inch closer to her. Always wanting what we can't have is part of human nature, and for single guys, it's even more magnified, says New York clinical psychologist Belisa Vranich, PhD. "Having a woman who is difficult makes her seem like more of a conquest and, therefore, more of a prize."
The mental challenge of winning over a bitch is also incredibility appealing because men are competitive by nature. Guys don't want a weak woman who is too submissive or a woman who wants a boyfriend because she doesn't feel complete without one.
The bitch might come across as abrasive in the workplace or at an airport counter, but to her guy's ears, it's the kind of talking that makes sense. She's no squawking shrew who goes off on him (which men can't stand, by the way), but she doesn't tiptoe around the issues, which guys like because they know what they're getting.
"Sometimes it's easier for a man to deal with her than with a woman who waffles or appears to be too emotional because the emotionally sensitive type of woman confuses him," says Argov. "The bitch knows what she likes and has an easier time expressing it. As a result, she usually gets what she wants."
Additionally, her man is able to find out exactly where he stands in the relationship. "Let's face it, some guys need the subtlety of a brick to the head," says communications expert Lorna McLaren, who teaches assertiveness skills to women in several countries.
Mike, 30, explains the unique allure of an unapologetically direct chick. "There are fewer games and emotional hoops to jump through with bitchy girls. This makes for an easier relationship because all of your mental energy isn't spent decoding what your woman really wants or thinking of the next conversation to carry."
Be straightforward about what you're thinking, and don't play games or expect him to read your mind. Speaking up for what you want can be hard for women because they don't want to sound demanding, but you have to start at the beginning of a relationship since it can be more difficult as time goes on. And when you do pipe up, avoid pulling a damsel-in-distress act. "Be succinct and speak in a bottom-line way without whining or letting your voice quiver," says Argov. "When a man hears you becoming emotional, he assumes has the upper hand."
She Takes Care of Number One
No guy wants it to be about him 24/7, even if that's what he may lead you to believe. "A bitch doesn't give her guy a monopoly on the rent space in her head, "says Argov. "She prioritizes her needs and takes care of them."
For instance, if she's had a tough day at work, she may just cancel her plans with her guy because she doesn't feel like being dazzling that night. May be she'll pour herself a glass of wine and take a bubble bath instead or go to a photography exhibit by herself. Why? Because she wants to. And the bonus is, it only makes him try even harder. "When I first started dating my girlfriend and would ask her out, she'd sometimes tell me she couldn't because she had her yoga class or dinner with a friend," says John, 28. "It was frustrating because other women I had dated would just drop what they were doing. But it also drew me to her more. She has her own life, and it's one of her." The upshot: The bitch remains herself throughout her entire relationship.
"She doesn't lose her friends, give up her career and hobbies, or bend over backward for him," says Argov. "It's like a reverse magnet: The person who is least dependent on the outcome of the relationship will automatically draw the other person in."
"Addressing your own needs prevents a man from controlling you," says Argov. The magic formula to adopt: Give a little, and then pull back. Maybe you agree to see a blockbuster on Saturday (the giving part) but then take off with your girlfriends the following weekend. "Figure out his pattern, but don't let him figure out yours because then you become predictable," says Argov.
The funny thing about men is that while they live in perpetual fear of being trapped, they really thrive with women who can set boundaries and who push back when they try to cross the line. "If a man doesn't have boundaries, he begins to feel a sense of aimlessness in the relationship," explains Patricia Farrell, PhD. Author of How to Be Your Open Therapist.
Keeping him in line also appeals to his pragmatic side. "It's easier for a guy to reason, she would kill me if she found out I went to a strip club, rather than, This is wrong, and it would cause me guilt," says Vranich. "Men may not always admit it, but they like having rules. As long as she isn't acting like his mother, it's more appealing for a guy to know he's with a woman who just won't put up with bad behaviour."
Let your guy know there are consequences for his actions by sticking to your guns. For example, if he's always late and you've told him that next time you absolutely won't wait, make good on that promise and head out without him. Just keep in mind: You can't snap or become emotional because that's rewarding his bad behaviour with attention. "Call him on it, fix it, and drop it," says Argov. "That shows self-control. You called him out but didn't harp on it." "What men don't want women to know is that they put them into one of two categories almost immediately: good-time only or long-term," says Argov.
"The minute he slides you into the good-time category, it's almost impossible to come back out." The bitch is highly aware of this fact, which is why she's careful not to give up the goods too easily. But make no mistake it's not about being a prude.
"It's ensuring that she looks out for herself," says Argov. "She demands that he treat her as though she is in the long-term category, and more often than not, it means revealing her sexuality a little at a time."
And when a bitch finally chooses to sleep with a guy, she checks her neediness at the bedroom door. "After sex with a guy the first time, the bitch behaves as if the relationship is still new," says Argov. "He will be expecting you to want commitment after sex and may try to test you by pulling back, by not calling when he says he will, or by making last-minute plans."
Meanwhile, the bitch does the exact opposite of what he expects and makes herself less available by staying busy.
When you decided to hop in the sack with a guy, force yourself not to be suddenly all over him in the next day like a bad sunburn. (Yes, even if he's the hottest thing you've ever seen and you actually wouldn't mind being surgically attached to him forever).
Here's why" "The fact that you don't inquire about spending more time with him or get clingy encourages him to pursue you like he did before you started sleeping together.