Posted by By Osondu Anyalechi [email@example.com] on
Joseph had grown to become a regular conference speaker, travelling over the nation in Marriage Counselling. In recent times, he had become a household name....
Joseph had grown to become a regular conference speaker, travelling over the nation in Marriage Counselling. In recent times, he had become a household name. Most people ascribed the secret of his success to his boldness and frankness as well as originality in ministration. 'He doesn't preach from the recorded messages in cassettes. He gives us what he receives from God and it is fresh and hot. He has a knack for crushing unbecoming emotions,' somebody said during a newspaper interview about his ministry.
One day, the Triumphant Men's Fellowship of Evangel Pentecostal Church, Lagos, invited him to minister at their Okota Headquarters. As would be expected, the gathering was much and so was the expectation. His excitement was high because my husband and I would be sitting at that ministration. My excitement rose high that a man I loved, proud of and much spoken about, was coming.
He told couples to sit together and reminded us that the teaching was mainly for men but he would not send away the few women around but that they should consider their presence a privilege. "I'm glad my oId 'girl friend' is here," he went on, "she and her husband travelled all the way from Jkorodu to attend the seminar.
Goddy nudged me on the shoulder in utter appreciation before we were told to stand up for recognition.. The audience rocked in laughter for calling me a girl with my grey hair.
"We met in December 1964, though we were unbelievers, we didn't defile ourselves. In 1972, I was born-again and that year, I led her to Christ. Everybody thought we would marry but God had His plans. I couldn't understand it then but now I know. His choice for me is this most beautiful, and exquisite Yemi, sitting by my side..."
The audience applauded him but I did not out of envy.
"I congratulate the organizers of this programme for inviting. me and also for the choice of the topic: 'Sex: A Curse or Blessing' . Let me ask you, is sex a curse or a blessing?"
The men responded that it is a blessing while women, in our usual manner, merely smiled shyly. "The problem with sex," he said, "is that we are not true to ourselves and there is too much pretence about it, borne out of wrong teaching and wrong assumptions. We tend to believe that a holy man is somebody who runs away from it. This is far from the truth. Sex is only evil outside wedlock (1 Cor 7:3-5). Our children are free to mention any part of their bodies but not the genital organs. We can tell our children the 'hows' of things but not that of childbearing."
He said that the minister pretends about sex even though he is involved in it. "This is true of any other member of his flock. We think it is a shame to hold our wives' hands even though we hold the hands of other men, women and our children. We think it evil to kiss our wives. In some Churches, it is even a taboo for couples to sit together so that they will not, perhaps, lust after themselves. At home, rarely do we see spouses sitting, eating or playing together but when the lights go off, we want them. I told Yemi, my wife, when I was preparing this material to move a little bit away from me. Surprisingly, she asked me whether I could say so when we lie down on the bed. I think she was right…
"Ride on, Man of God," some wives echoed before he told somebody to read aloud the following Scriptures:
I Cor. 7:3-5 - 'Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wtfe hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband... Defraud not one" the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. '
"What does the Bible mean by: 'defraud you not' and 'come together again'? What is it that each spouse will render to the other? Is it not to have sex? If sex is evil, why should the Bible encourage it? Let me make bold to remind you that sex is evil only outside wedlock but within the context of marriage, it is a wonderful blessing from God."
Sex will be a smooth affair if husbands accord their spouses proper recognition. “Do you know that God made marriage, including sex to be enjoyed. Gods great idea is to make you happy. Many men complain to me that their wives starve them sexually. Responding to this, mot wives complain hat their husbands rush during intercourse This is not right. Intercourse starts with foreplay. I don't think we start our car without allowing the engine to run for a while. In 1960, during the sports’ season at the Methodist College, Uzuakoli, I refused to do the warm-up exercises, thinking that I was conserving energy. When we took off, I had a muscle pull and was an invalid through out the sports season. May it never happen to your wife because you deny her 'warm-up' exercises! Amen. Even in the Old Testament, this 'warm up' exercise before sex is recommended. In Proverbs 5:19, the Bible tells husbands :'Let her breasts satisfy you at all times. Be thou ravished with it.' The Song of Solomon goes ahead to recommend how the arousal should be done: 'His right hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.
"The female organ is always dry unless it is lubricated. God has a natural fluid that does it. This is released during foreplay, which is part of what the 'right hand' should be doing. The husband touches the various parts of the sex organ. It is done gently, romantically, dearly and not with the force of a 'motor mechanic'. Uncle has the liberty to suck the breasts. The couple exchanges love words and kiss passionately. At this time, .he. may be anxious to ejaculate but consciously holds his breath for a while so that Aunty will be ready before inserting his penis into her vulva. The idea is to lead her to orgasm. I know that some women are passive, but do your utmost to help them."
Somebody asked whether there were no singles around. "It's good if there are no singles here but don't deceive yourself for they know these things through books and browsing the Internet. There is hardly anything you know which they do not know. We can help them through counselling and not by hiding things from them.
Most people panicked and some women cried when he told us how a Pastor in England had wanted to teach his daughter sex education and did not know how hw would go about it. When he mustered courage and told her about condom, she ran upstairs and brought two packs from her bag, “I know about it Dad, these are mine, “ she told her father.
I gave out a questionnaire to wives in our Church some years ago. Most of them stated that their husbands do not have the patience to lead them to orgasm. A few of them didn't even know the meaning of orgasm. 1 will not be surprised if it's the same case with us. A woman told me that when they are cut off from orgasm, it is painful to them. What do they do but to die in silence? A lady once asked me how I would feel, if after 1 had fasted, and I was brought to a bouquet and after I had been served, somebody told me not to eat but to watch others eat. 'This is how we watch our husbands eat all the nights without participating,' she complained bitterly after which she switched on a half-hearted smile. Another woman reminded me that it doesn't take men much time to be 'charged' and when they are, it is difficult to hold them back. 'Can you then imagine what happens to us, who are not easily aroused, when we are and it is aborted? Why can't our husbands consider our interest' Can any man hang his boots before reaching the climax? If you tolerate them today, the same thing repeats itself the next day. May God help us. I don't believe they do not know what to do. I think it is a deliberate attempt to punish us. What annoys me is that they don't even apologize or use the manual method to get us across the bridge. But like a deflated balloon, you see them falling asleep, even snoring when you are struggling to gather yourself.
"May I ask our men if this allegation is true? Do we arouse our spouses only to cut them off when they are sufficiently ready? This is the case with impatient husbands, who are only interested in 'off-loading' without caring for the pleasure of their wives. If we treat our spouses like maids, our homes will be aflame with wahala. But if we want our homes to be aflame with sunshine, then let us consider their interest during coitus. Secondly, let us incorporate them in our businesses. The sky will be the height of our joy."
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