Posted by Chioma Anyagafu on
HOW do you know when he/she is a husband or wife material? Are you two compatible? How do you interpret compatibility. Sometimes, I understand compatibility to mean that he/she is everything the other is not.
HOW do you know when he/she is a husband or wife material? Are you two compatible? How do you interpret compatibility. Sometimes, I understand compatibility to mean that he/she is everything the other is not. She is bold and he is laid-back. He is a club-guy and she is a home girl. She is hot and he is cool. To me, it means they complement each other. But that is not a yard-stick for measuring a husband/wife material.
Some men are known to have befriended their wives and ended up marrying their girlfriends. They took their wives to nite-clubs and fast-food joints and the relationship ended there. Then, other men married their wives and they ended up marrying their girlfriends. Some ladies befriended their husbands and then married their boyfriends. The outcome of these was marital chaos.
Some destinies are tied. There are people you meet and you know your destinies are tied together. If you miss each other for any reason, you end up in chaos. For every man, there is a woman and for every woman there is a man. If you leave your wife and marry your girlfriend, there is bound to be trouble. And if you miss your husband and marry your boyfriend, hell will be let loose.
So, who are you entangled with? Your wife or your girlfriend? Are you entangled with your boyfriend instead of your husband? Not all men are husband materials and you know them by their track records. Thre are hit and run lovers and if you end up marrying such, then you'd have for yourself, a part-time husband. And vice-versa. So, are you involved with a husband/wife material? Check him/her out once again. If you are not yet married, you can reconsider the plan. It is better to change plans while the ship is still ashore than to save face only to sink in the middle of the ocean. Here are responses from our respondents on their romantic experiences on the subject.
He deceived me: Leone, 24
Alex was already married at the time we met. I had gone to a cyber café to surf and I was having problem connecting the Internet because their system was slow. I lost my cool along the line and began to query the workers, wondering whether they deliberately tampered with their system to make them slow and earn more profit. I was still arguing with them when a dashing young man walked in and enquired what the problem was. I told him how my purchase was already twenty minutes gone and yet, I had not succeeded in being connected because the system was slow. Alex then took me to an inner office and asked me to use the system there. It turned out that he owned the cyber café and that was how we became friends.
Before I knew it, I was a frequent visitor to the cyber café and not long afterwards, Alex and I became lovers. He was married to Caroline and she worked in a bank. She was his second wife. He had lived in Canada where he married a white lady but when he wanted to relocate to Nigeria, his Candadian wife would not agree to come and live in Nigeria. So, he told me that after living in Nigeria alone for three years, he decided to remarry.
I was home one evening when Alex called me and asked me to come to his house. He gave me the address and said he needed my assistance to do something. I got to the place and saw him in a drunken mood. He said his wife Caroline had left him with their two children and he was feeling miserable. I called my parents and lied I was staying over at my girl-friend's house that night and my parents believed me. But in truth, I stayed with Alex who said a lot of unprintable things about his wife Caroline and the Canadian he married earlier. The white lady also had kids for him.
He told me he had been unlucky in love and all his life was always attracted to the wrong women. My teenage heart bled for him and I felt so sorry for him. He told me that if he had met me earlier he would have married me. I fell for it when he told me he wanted to start his life all over again, that he wanted to forget the two women he had married and the children they had for him and start all over again with me. He said I was the right woman for him and I believed it.
That was how I began to spent more and more time with Alex. When my auntie, my father's eldest sister living with us saw what was going on, she raised an alarm. I hated her for it and her advice was the least thing I needed. I was a teenager with all the traces of teenage rebellion looking for independence of mind and body and hating anybody who tried to impose their beliefs on me. My aunty was always preaching decency and chastity but that wasn't what I wanted to hear.
Well, I eventually got admission into the university and Alex was coming to pick me every weekend. He begged me to have a child for him to cement our love. He said my getting pregnant would quicken our getting married and we kept trying. Sometimes I would be in campus and when my ovulation started, I would quickly rush to spend time with him and even miss lectures in the process. I also noticed that there was something between him and one of the girls that worked in the cuber café because she kept calling him at odd hours. Sometimes, she would want to come over to the house and whenever I was there, he would discourage her from coming and gave her excuses. I asked him once if there was something between him and the girl and he said no.
And then, it happened. I got pregnant at last and when I told Alex, he was not excited about it as I thought. Then, I began to hear less and less of him. He no longer came to pick me from the campus on weekends and each time I called him, he gave me excuses: too much work, a new contract and all manner of excuses. One weekend, I decided to go to his house Friday night and there, I met the girl that worked in the cuber café in his house. Both of them wee tying towels and were emerging from the bathroom. I asked him the meaning of that but he got angry and accused me of monitoring him and coming to his house without previously informing him.
I went back to the campus that night. I was too devastated to go and sleep in my parents house. The next day, Alex came to visit me in the campus. I was already four months pregnant and people were beginning to notice I was pregnant. He came to make me an offer of N50,000 to get rid of the pregnancy. I gave him a dirty slap.
How could he subject me to rigorous sex exercises because he said he wanted me to be pregnant and immediately I took in, he lost interest and began dating and sleeping with another girl. I wanted to know what happened to our marriage plans and he said his two wives both wanted to come back and the matter was affecting him. I rejected the money he offered me and he was angry. He said if I decided on my own to have the baby, I should tell him he has no father when he is grown.
I went to his house another time to see if he had changed his mind and I found different girl with him. It was a Saturday and the girl was walking around the house in pants and bra only.
Then, it all came to me. What my auntie told me. It also dawned on me that Alex was a hit and run lover. Two wives used and dumped. And I was yet another victim and already pregnant. Then there were two others who were waiting to be dumped. And who knew the others out there he had used and dumped like me, like his ex wives.
I eventually had a successful abortion and I'm a graduate now. I just completed my NYSC and I'm in a new relationship. I have to tell this story so that young people like me out there will learn a lesson or two. Beware of hit-and-run lovers, men who have married several times and divorced several times and are still searching. They are out to ruin you and they usually come smooth, clean and cool. But it is a facade. The evil they say about their ex is the same evil they will say about you when they have used and dumped you. And they will even treat you worse than they treated those before you. Such are hardly the material for marriage. They are playboys and heartbreakers and would deceive you until they get what they want.
He made me a single mother: Car'Sylvia, 26
I just got a job in a top insurance firm when I met Damian. I already had my Ph.d which I got at age 23 and Damian was mesmerised by the achievement at such a tender age. He worked in a bank adjacent to my office and he always took pains to pick me every morning to the office. We always left the office together. My parents were not living in Lagos and I was squatting with my girlfriend in school. I was on the look out for a decent accommodation and my company just approved a reasonable sum for that. Meanwhile, Damian and I were getting closer everyday and we would spend weekends with his friends all the time. He had his personal effects scattered in the houses of his friends and I wondered why he had no accommodation after working for five years. But I knew money was not his problem and when I complained around, he relocated to hotels. He kept living from one hotel to another and when I advised him to try and get a decent accommodation and stop living like a vagabond and a destitute. He got angry with me and accused me of talking like his mother and said the last person he needed around him was someone who talked like his mother.
Eventually, he decided to part ways with me. I got a decent accommodation when I realised I was pregnant for him. I told him about the pregnancy and he was not keen. He told me he wanted to live his life and enjoy it and was not keen on any responsibility. I had my baby two years ago as a single mother and my parents are still not happy with me for allowing myself be deceived with all the education and exposure they gave me.
I love my son and I have the means to take care of him. My position in my office has risen and guys are still interested in dating me. I don't think I lost anything by being a single mother. I am young and still beautiful. Damian may think he has dealt with me but I know I'm having the last laugh. I have our son whom he rejected, a good job a nice car and a new relationship.
Damian is still a man about town. He has a good job but I don't envy his lifestyle because as far as I'm concerned, it's an irresponsible lifestyle and my son and I don't need that kind of life.