Posted by By PATRICK ASONYE & JOSSY IDAM on
For an institution that was ordained by the Almighty Himself, marriage is tempted sore. It is beset by trials dark on every hand and most couples can't even understand why things are falling apart.
For an institution that was ordained by the Almighty Himself, marriage is tempted sore. It is beset by trials dark on every hand and most couples can't even understand why things are falling apart.
When the problem is not the original forbidden fruit, it is either too much money or lack of it. Clerics are confused and trying ever so hard to hold it all together. Marriage counsellors are overworked yet more and more couples are moving from the altar to the divorce courts at a speed that would shame lightening.
Tales of woes have replaced happily ever after mantra. The pressure on homes are spilling over to the society. Value systems are consequently getting warped.
Never mind the stoic faces many couples maintain, too many of them have their marital worries squeezed in huge bags.
In the cold-blooded catastrophe of what crashing marriages portend for a society like ours where too many things are wrong at it is, it can safely be said that Lucifer has stolen quietly back into the Garden of Eden.
Name them, the rich, poor, educated, uneducated, celebrities, politicians, et cetera, et cetera, no category is insulated from the ravages of failed marriages.
Sunday Sun checks reveal that in most cases, sex and money are the main issues, not forgetting false lifestyle and peer influence.
It is either that the man 'cannot perform' (as alleged by his partner), or that he is too 'busy' in pursuit of money that he hardly finds time to do his bedroom duties.
But if, as in some cases, lack of money leads to crack in some marriages, what could possibly quake the union of the family member of a country's President, given the almost limitless comfort at their disposal? Sex, of course!
It took the outburst of Gbenga, first son of Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, for the world to know that sex was at issue in his marriage to Mojisola, daughter of an equally wealthy and influential man.
Across the country's customary courts, magistrate and even high courts, vulgar tales of woes by dissatisfied spouses are commonplace.
Take a sampler: 'My husband's penis is too small; he does not satisfy me sexually,' Munirat, a 30-year old housewife told a Lagos court recently as she filed a suit to divorce him. Obviously, she is intolerant of any dull moment in her life. Not to be ruled out, however, is the possibility that she might have already found 'action' elsewhere hence she wants to opt out.
Other complaints range from, ‘My man starves me of sex', ‘He makes love to me once a month', ‘He loves his mistress more than me', ‘Useless man, he can't bring money; he's only after sex', ‘Shameless he goat, he impregnated our house girl', etc, etc.
And from the male folk are allegations such as, ‘My wife would not allow me touch her', ‘She calls another man's name when we're making love', ‘I don't trust her anymore', ‘Since she started working, she no longer respects me', ‘Her boss sent her a coded text message', and so on and so forth.
All that glitters
Not too long ago, Gbenga Obasanjo treated the public to a salacious expose of his wife's (Mojisola) alleged adultery for which he wants them to go their separate ways.
Gbenga, in his divorce suit, told an Ikeja High Court that he 'knows for a fact that the respondent committed adultery with, and had an intimate sexual relationship with his own father, General Olusegun Obasanjo, in order to get contracts from the government.'
He insisted that she also got rewarded for her adulterous acts with several oil contracts with the NNPC from his father, General Olusegun Obasanjo, among which was the NNPC consultancy training in supply chain management and project management awarded to her company, Bowen and Brown.
And then the incestuous angle to it: 'The petition avers that lurid sexual relationship of the respondent with her own father, Otunba Alex Onabanjo and his father, General Olusegun Obasanjo, has brought him great pain and psychological trauma and his primary reason for the breakdown of his marriage to the respondent.
'The petitioner avers that the respondent shamelessly carried on her sexual escapades without any thought as to the psychological effect of same on him.'
Here, the influence of both sex and money is palpable!
When the couple wedded at the Archbishop Vining Memorial Church, Ikeja, in 2000, society's crème de la crème were in attendance. But the relationship hit the rocks in December 2004, as Moji hurriedly packed out of their home. The salacious case is still pending in court, and the last is yet to be heard of it.
Similarly, top Nollywood actress Stephanie Okereke went to a Lagos court recently seeking to nullify her marriage with a former Super Eagles player, Chikelue Iloenyosi.
The marriage, Sunday Sun learnt, was legally contracted with fanfare in August 2004. But the actress recently resolved to call it quits and even packed out of her matrimonial home. She told a Lagos High Court that she wanted the marriage dissolved on the grounds that her husband had another wife, Ijeoma Mba, in America. Again, sex ruined this one.
Stephanie also claimed that Ijeoma came to Lagos in the company of other women and confronted her at home. The actress went on to accuse her erstwhile husband of having illicit affairs with other women. She is claiming N100 million as damage. She also wanted the court to help her retrieve an assortment of cars, kitchen utensils, furniture and three pet dogs.
Apart from Stephanie, other notable 'big gals' who have seen the unpleasant side of marriage include Eucharia Anunobi, Shan George, Ngozi Nwosu, Bukky Wright, Agatha Amata, Regina Askia, Iyabo Ojo, Fathia Balogun, Ayo Mogaji and Ruth Okoro.
Few months back, Nigerians were shocked to hear the jarring end of yet another celebrity marriage. Ex-De Remedys music star, Eddie Montana and Kenny Saint Brown walked out on each other. Eddie blamed the end of the relationship on undue interference of his estranged wife's elder brother, Kenny Ogungbe and his music label, Kennis Music. He had said: 'I want people to know that I am a man who wanted a life and a family. Kennis music took every thing away from me. I still love my wife.'
In an earlier interview with Sunday Sun, Kenny Ogungbe reacted thus: 'I did not break his marriage. But if a 40-year-old man can say that I broke his marriage, I am sorry. I had nothing to do with the situation between him and his wife…. If his wife has left him, I have nothing to do with that.'
Added to the plethora of divorce cases of 'less important persons' pending in different courts across the country, the list of troubled marriages is almost endless.
Position of the Church
Until now, it was generally believed that the Catholic Church doesn't grant divorce. The myth has now been shattered.
In 2005 alone, about 300 divorce cases were presented to an ecclesiastical tribunal at Enugu. That figure may have doubled by now.
The Bishop of Enugu Diocese, Rt. Rev. Dr. Anthony Gbuji disclosed that the tribunal has the blessing of the Pope because 'some marriages are wrongly contracted ab initio.'
Giving an example, the clergy said: 'If a teenage boy impregnates a teenage girl and he was forced to marry her by the parents following threats of repercussion by the girl's parents, the resultant marriage was wrongly contracted.'
Buttressing the point, the Bishop said such a marriage may begin to have problems after producing about four children. 'If they (couple) come to us with the complaint that they never intended to marry, we will agree with them, and of course, the marriage will be null and void.'
According to the Bishop, the Church sees marriage as a sacrament and an indissoluble institution. The tribunal, which was set up to handle marriages requiring annulment in Enugu, Abakaliki and Nsukka Dioceses, is seen by the Bishop as a bitter and painful pill. But it beomes necessary if the couple 'cannot live together under the same roof again, they do not enjoy their companionship, or if they do not ‘make babies' again. These are some of the signs of broken down marriage. They would quarrel, fight and stop talking to each other.
What you should find in a loving relationship, you don't find it anymore. Maybe the man may want to kill the wife, the woman leaves home, and so forth, or the man goes and marries another woman. And that's the way the legitimate woman with whom he was married in the church gets driven away from the matrimonial home. It may be the woman runs away from the man's house and gets married to another man. There must be reasons for these actions. God knows. But we can know only when they open up. So, the church says we cannot leave them to languish. You cannot leave them to waste away unto the way of damnation. So, what do we do? We set up what we call a tribunal,' he elaborated.
GSM scourge
After 11 years of marriage and a son, the scion of the Afro beat King, Femi Anikulapo-Kuti parted ways with his wife Funke in 2005. Among others, Femi's grouse with her had to do with alleged amorous messaThe once celebrated couple has since moved on with their lives.
The eight-year-old marriage of a Lagos trader, Mrs. Ajetumobi Ajike almost collapsed because of endless GSM flashing by a man she claimed to be her colleague.
The matter came to a head when the presumed colleague flashed and called her at midnight. The next morning, her enraged husband headed for a Grade ‘A' Customary Court in Agege, Lagos and filed for divorce.
When the matter continued to rage in court, the midnight caller appeared in person and pleaded with the woman's hubby not to send her away. The court president, E.K.S Bruce later cautioned the man thus: 'Your wife was childish. So, please pardon her. For the woman, you made a great mistake by keeping your husband in the dark about that colleague of yours. You allowed that flasher to ruin your marriage.'
The story of GSM gaffes are legion. A top civil servant in Abuja once mistakenly sent to his real wife, a sex-explicit text intended for his mistress. But for the intervention of their children and family friends, the marriage would have hit the rocks.
Marrying for wrong reasons: A Cleric's perspective
A pastor has attributed the spate of failed marriages in the country to couples not understanding what marriage really is. The General Overseer of Christian Central Chapel International, Dr. Emmah Gospel Isong, told Sunday Sun that some people rush into marital unions for material, mundane things like money, wealth, infatuation and sex. As he explained, marriage is much more than all these.
'When the wealth and money are no more there, problems would arise. As for infatuation and sex, those are like icing on the cake. The sweetness fades with time. Marriage is a sacred institution ordained by God. The man and woman involved should respect it,' he said.
Danger signals
An eligible bachelor, Mike Udom, says rampant crash of marriages has put him on edge. 'I'm just scared stiff. And I think it's mutual. The girls don't trust any man and men don't trust girls either,' he revealed.
The 43-year-old bachelor and father of a boy described himself as 'a single parent.' According to him, he 'accidentally' impregnated the mother of his son but declined to marry her 'for personal reasons'.
Nene Ukoha, a teacher in Lagos and mother of two, has married serially. Her two daughters are from different fathers and she doesn't really mind. 'The kids are mine and I earn enough to train and take care of them,' she said.
The 38-year-old woman says she had in the past tried marriage but it wasn't working. 'I'm I going to wait forever for a husband that wouldn't come?' she queried.
Marriages made in heaven
A British couple cited in the Guinness Book of Records as the oldest marriage in the world revealed the secret of their 80 years of blissful union.
Percy Arrowsmith, 105, says the secret is encoded only in two words: 'Yes, dear,' His wife, Florence, 100, says: 'We have our arguments but we work through them.'
The mother of three and great grand-mother, Florence further revealed that they don't argue much anymore. 'We don't argue much these days, only when I want to watch the soaps on TV which he hates. We always go to bed as friends and always make up before we go to sleep with a kiss and a cuddle.' The Herefood couple got married in 1925, a year before the Queen of England was born.
When they marked 50 years as husband and wife, Alhaja Momudat Modupe Otiti, wife of former Central Bank governor Alhaji A. O. G Otiti, said 'absolute patience' is the recipe for a successful marriage.
To her, there could be temptations but self-control, tolerance and kindness hold the key. 'Understand each other's feelings, be ready to say sorry whenever the need arises,' she advised.
Former education minister, Professor Aliu Babatunde Fafunwa, who has had 55-years successful marriage with his American wife, Doris, says the secret lies in trust. 'We trust each other without a single doubt. This honestly has kept us going. Another thing is that we hardly do any thing without each other's consent.'
When the couple marked their golden jubilee in 2004, Professor Fafunwa declared: 'She's the best wife I could have wished for. And if I were to do it again, I'll marry her again.'