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Author: AMIRU ADAMU
Posted to the web: 6/10/2010 9:59:02 AM

FAILED MARRIAGES ON THE RISE

Marriage is a union between a man and a woman; it is a contract that is expected to last for a lifetime. Marriage from whichever angle you look at it, is supposed to outlive all social problems, trials and tribulations. Though marriage is so defined, it is saddening to see how the conduct of marriages has been reduced to a money making avenue; thus its failure. It has been estimated that about 60 percent of marriages contracted within a year in Nigeria fail before the first anniversary. This problem has been attributed to numerous reasons some of which include: Greed, false life styles, negative parental influence and negative foreign traditions inculcated into the youths by the media. Greed is one of the fundamental problems contributing to this social enigma, and some parents are not helping matters in this regard at all! Take a situation where a graduate working for a state government, with a salary of “lets say twenty thousand naira (20,000) is expected to provide at least eight hundred thousand naira (800,000) for his marriage rites. Mind you this is even considered moderate for in some cases the bills run into millions including the hidden charges which will eventually surface during the celebrations. The reader going by this estimate shall come to the conclusion, that for one to save and come up with this amount, even without taking anything out of his salary for his upkeep which is practically impossible, will take one almost 4 years ,to come up with this amount legitimately. Though some get help from parents and relatives, itâ's not all that are born with silver spoons in their mouths.Negative parental influence is also a contributing factor to these problems. For these days one dare`s not approach some households without an expensive car no matter how acquired, to seek the hands of their daughters in marriage. In some cases the parents before granting a request to see their daughter will first send out a spy, to check on the person seeking audience with their daughter ,with standing instruction “to see if he has a car, if yes the type”. God help you if you are a proletarian like me, you will be sent away without even given the chance to say your blue collar name. To avoid this sort of situation some unrealistic fellows, borrow cars, clothes etc. from there well to do friends and relatives, so as to make a grand impression and be approved by the lady and her capitalist parents. Thus building the relationship on a false foundation which shall eventually collapse at a later date, for you cannot always succeed in someone to lend you nice and expensive things so you can mix up with the high and mighty. Even if you do, the reality shall come to the surface after the marriage. This realization after marriage has ended so many marriages, and will continue to do so if we don’t change our attitudes. For a lady who thought she has married a well to do gentleman, and later finds out that her sweetheart belongs to the proletariat class will find it very difficult to adjust, if she ever does. Though there are some god fearing parents, but the reader will agree with me that it takes a special grace of god to find one in these society of ours today.The men are not without a blemish, for there is a type of marriage popularly referred to in Hausa as (AUREN JARI) marriage for capital. This is a sort of marriage whereby a young man scouts for a lady from a well to do family, court her and if lucky gets married to her ,with the belief that some of the riches in her family will surely reflect on him one way or the other. These types of marriages usually pack up; the moment the groom doesn’t get what he expected from the marriage in terms of material gains.Marriage for capital is now very common amongst Nigerians, who see it as a shortcut to riches and easy life which is not always the case. The future of these type of marriages depends on the continuous flow of income from the bride`s family.There seems to be an unwritten law in some parts of Northern Nigeria, which says “when getting married the brides family provides all the furnishings and gadgets in the house “all a groom needs to do is get an empty house. This I believe contributes a lot to the problems encountered while contracting marriages ,for it is very difficult if not impossible for an average Nigerian working class family to furnish a house for their daughter, those who force themselves to do, risk debt and a lot of financial constraints later.It is my opinion “that married couples need to work together to acquire these properties so as to lay a foundation for their unborn children. This will also develop a bond amongst them, which shall eventually strengthen their marriage union.The fight to curb the rise of failed marriages is a collective responsibility. The parents, government, traditional rulers, religious groups and the youths are all major key players in this fight.The parents should desist from inculcating materialistic values into their children. They should measure their childrenâ's suitors, by measuring their morality and uprightness rather than their material worth.The government should come up with corrective measures that will check excesses during marriage ceremonies. Some state government`s already have some guidelines on dowry, which is a step towards the right direction.The traditional rulers, as the overall custodians of our cultural values should come up with some strategies to effectively combat this menace.The youths who are directly involved, should have it in mind that marriage is a union blessed by God, there is nothing short of true and sincere commitment that can make it last.