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Author: Akinsanya Oluwaseun Akinsanya
Posted to the web: 7/25/2008 5:57:29 AM

LIVING WITH TEENS & YOUTHS

Something to talk about (Part One)

“A good man leaves an inheritance for his Children’s Children” – Proverbs 13:22

 

“A hundred times everyday I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving” Albert Einstein

 

Pay Attention

We are living in a rapidly changing, exhilarating, technology-driven age where both past and present generation has its own values, tastes, styles, preferences and paradigms.

Several alarming statistics and studies remind us that, as parents, teens/youths workers, we need to work hard to keep our teenagers/tweenagers and youths from making mistakes that can affect them for the rest of their lives. This is especially true regarding sexual issues, alliances they keep, and so on. Teens/youths are developing socially and that inevitably means interest in the opposite sex. We must equip our Teens/Youths to make godly choices, and thereby to resist the influences they constantly receive from the world around them.

The culture of our society in all ramifications as at now (far from the old) is very sexual – from music (Snoop Doggy Live Performance with Dr. Dre), to the Television shows (Big Brother Africa 1 & 2) they watch, to their hallway of conversations. It’s vital that you keep communication lines open so you recognize when issues need to be addressed otherwise……… If you’re reluctant to speak openly with your teens/youths about sex, the world is more then willing to speak on your behalf and you may not like the message they preach.

If you aren’t sure what messages your teens/youths have received, watch the television shows that capture their attention, read lyrics of their favorite songs, and check out the websites they surf. You may be stunned and totally flabbergasted.

There is a statement in teens/youths ministry known as “Teenagers/Youths Appearance.” This occurs in the process of growth. When this begin to occur there are some certain roles parents, teens/youths worker are to play, if snubbed the opposite dash in as fast as possible.

One of the role is known as ‘being an intrusive presence’ in their life which is not intended to be annoying or obtrusive, but a reliable, supportive, and caring presence in all areas. As an intrusive presence, we cannot then limit ourselves to only the spiritual aspects of their lives.  We (parents, youth workers) cannot expect to be able to make a real difference if we see them only once or twice a week in Church, at home – that is busy parents. We need to let them know that we are ready to support them. This support does not always mean agreement with their views or decisions, but it does mean honesty and real , in-depth conversation to help improve decision-making and to help them change behaviors that are destructive to their lives.

 

Teens/youths need to be connected with a responsible adult that give them attention and direction. These influence helped prevent later problems such as depression, and substance abuse.

You know youth are capable of doing amazing things if they are encouraged and supported by caring adults.

 

Nigeria is a blessed black nation with abundant treasures of visionary youngsters who are graciously capable today to change the course of history both today and tomorrow. So, they need adult, who build ideas and encourages socially, politically, spiritually, psychologically, morally, academically, and business-wise-creativity.

Adults who has integrity, ethic and a sanguine or genuine respect for young people. Ideas are no good at all except in the minds of individuals. Causes have no emotion at all except in the emotion and passion of individuals. For Nigeria to alter human history we need to start building in the lives of our youths ideas that can bring real remedies to the unending maladies of different kind eating deep the fabric of our system.

 

Embracing the gift of Presence

I have being humanly forced-to-be-touched with the kind of life our teens and youths are living in this dispensation of knowledge. Some are influenced while some chose the life. I stumbled on a book sometime ago by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. The message of the book came louder and vividly enough that rushing or busyness damages our relationship with our children, weakens the bond that must be strong for parenting to be effective.

 

The authors believe that discipline is about connection, and the way we discipline should have a positive bearing on the long-term relationship. They frown on bribes and pleading and any method that ultimately compromises the dignity of the parent or child.

Our relationships with our kids are not unlike our relationships with our spouses. When the connection is strong, both make concessions for closeness and peace. So too, when we’re intentional about being present and engaged with our children, they begin to value the relationship so much that they don’t want to compromise it through disobedience.

 

Parenting isn’t about creating perfect kids – or about being perfect ourselves. Parents are the memory-makers for the next generation, planting seeds in the fertile hearts of their children.

This is sacred and fearful work, because these seeds will grow in them in all kinds of imperceptible ways – they can become thorny weeds that must be tugged out later in life or verdant orchards that will continue to bear fruit long after we’ve left this world.

 

I didn’t experience the joy of family gathering like I see in other home. You know when you come from a home where things are not like it used to be, both husband and wife are living in “my own world” style of living instead of “our world”, this eventually dry the royal wine in the marriage relationship.

 

As Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote in “The Brother’s Karamazov,” “Nothing is nobler, stronger, more vital, or more useful in future life than some happy memory, especially on from your family home. A lot is said about upbringing, but perhaps the best upbringing is some lovely, holy memory preserved from one’s childhood. If a man carries many such memories with him, they will keep him safe throughout his life. And even if only one such memory stays in our hearts, it may prove to be our salvation one day.”

 

Remember, we came to this world to leave someday; it is like that with our kids, too. They are birthed into our lives and nurtured in our homes only so that they can be released into the world. We embrace then each day against a horizon of small and large leavings to come. And we hope that our care will inspire them to become healers in a broken and aching world. “A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children.”

 

Remember, a generation of demonstration is emerging whose voices will be heard in the face of injustice, poverty, outlandish socio-economic polices, political instability, social deprivation, insecurity, political parties violence, garrison-godfatheristic electoral system.

 

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